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Coughed Up November 7, 2000
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BROUGHT TO YOU BY OUR HAIRBALL SPONSORS:
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We, at The Morning Hairball, do not bother to endorse political candidates;
since they're human, we assume they're all incompetent. The national
referenda and initiatives, however, have a tremendous impact on
the quality of feline life, so we urge you to read the following with
great care, then go out and do your civic duty!
(Note: Regular publication of The
Morning Hairball will resume next week.)
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Referendum 322A
MH Recommendation: This is a
no-brainer folks. Vote YES! Referendum
414B MH
Recommendation:
Referendum 998 MH
Recommendation: |
Question 223
Trust us, this one is so awful you don't want to hear the details. Just
vote NO!
Would overturn Proposition 2 1/9 and concerns the right of municipalities to levy luxury taxes on feline-owned watercraft in excess of 32 feet, providing that such vessels are not used for business and the owners claim less than the maximum allowable mineral rights deductions and do NOT receive agricultural subsidies of any kind. Question 0 would extend the maximum craft length to 32.5 feet, eliminate the mineral rights restrictions, AND enable agricultural subsidies provided that the owners meet two criteria: 1) such agricultural subsidies do not exceed by 0.47 percent the watercraft owners' gross outlay for tuna eaten exclusively during water transit and boat repair; and 2) the owner files a Schedule YMe form listing all submersible items in their human valets' homes. In addition, the owners must agree to sign an affidavit stating that they have no fiduciary interests in foreign manufacturers of party favors or hemorrhoid ointments. Should they meet the two criteria but refuse to sign the affidavit, the inititiative would allow for municipalities to reduce the maximum allowable agricultural subsidy by 15 percent the first year, 17.2 percent the second, and 18.1 percent the third. We have absolutely no idea what any of this means -- even Socratail is bewildered. Sorry, you're on your own with this one.
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Proposition
5465 Prohibits felines from playing with their live food before eating it. Certain rodents (squirrels, rats, and gophers) and certain insects (cicadas, ants, and moths) would still be fair game. MH Recommendation: Very bad. Vote NO!
Proposition 746D Would make it a federal crime for humans to occupy more than 1/2 of a full size, 1/3 of a queen size, or 1/8 of a king size bed when sharing the sleeping space with a feline. New space allotment ratios would be printed on mattress tags of all bedding manufactured after March 8, 2001. Penalty for removal of mattress tags would be upped to mandatory life imprisonment with no parole. MH
Recommendation:
Proposition
60D Would ban snow, rain, and other wet atmospheric matter within three feet of any feline. MH
Recommendation: |
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