...who has just been chosen as this year's winner of the prestigious Mark Twins Award for Feline Humor. You may have seen Whoopie Whiskers on that television game show, Cattywood Squares, where she has answered trivia questions about the animal kingdom for several seasons.

Or you may not have watched Cattywood Squares at all, thinking -- as so many of my furry readers do -- that the show is, and will remain, uninteresting until the producers are clever enough to hire this Morning Hairball reporter as a regular panelist. This Morning Hairball reporter would be a wonderful panelist. Not only would she know all of the right answers (which is very important in a game show panelist), but she would also look so beautiful sitting in that center square.

Of course, to get that center square position, this Morning Hairball reporter will have to unseat Whoopie Whiskers. Which will be much more difficult to do, now that she has been selected as the latest Mark Twins Award for Feline Humor winner.

That's it. This Morning Hairball reporter must win one of those Mark Twins Awards for Feline Humor herself. She will do that by interjecting humor into her Daily Scoop column at every opportunity, beginning today.

Maybe it will help if she tells knock-knock jokes. Now, wait. That won't work. Knock-knock jokes aren't funny. Or maybe she could pose riddles, or riddle her column with puns. Or maybe she could....

No! None of those tactics will work. This Morning Hairball reporter is a serious journalist. She is not a comedian, and she will never win the Mark Twins Award for Feline Humor. Never!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Now this Morning Hairball reporter will probably never get to be the center square in Cattywood Squares. Unless she marries one of the show's producers, or something, which is always a possibility.

Talk back to Mama Mothball: mailto:mama_mothball@meowmail.com