Giblet: March 19-April 18
Giblets are bold and invest in the moment. They'll always go the extra inch, and make great athletes. 

Though the holiday season has passed, you're still likely to find pine needles between your toes. That's okay. They'll be gone by springtime.

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Hambonus Hambonus: April 19-May 19
Hamboni are determined and productive. They sleep fewer than 22 hours a day.

Check your tendency to pounce first, ask later. That small furry delicacy scurrying across the kitchen floor may just turn out to be a dust bunny, not an afternoon snack.

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Salmoni May 20- June 19
Salmoni are unabashedly curious and believe that two tails are better than one. They make excellent lead singers of rock bands.

Don't Make a list of all your needy, high maintenance friends. Then tell them all to take a long leap off a short diving board. You'll feel great!

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Crabmeat: June 20-July 21
Crabmeats are self-aware and compassionate. They're always willing to lick other animals -- even amphibians and dogs.

You've worked hard all your life, you're about to receive the Big Payoff. Watch the mail closely for an announcement from Publisher's Litterbox - you might just be eligible to win the big prize.

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Brisket Brisket: July 22-August 21
Briskets have great intestinal fortitude and will eat virtually anything. When they walk into a room, all other critters stop what they're doing and look up.

This is a great time to do something important. Meditate on actions you will take to make the world a better place. Smile inwardly. Take pride in your selfless intentions. Then take a nap, and forget about everything that's crossed your mind for the past 48 hours.

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Birdgo Birdgo: August 22-September 21
Birdgos are industrious critters who never seem to give up. Patient and meticulous, they make excellent moth hunters and tap dancers.

Be careful about nesting in the laundry hamper this month; your human valet's socks are likely to be especially smelly.

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Livra: September 22-October 21
Livras are very sensitive, delicate creatures, well suited to ballet and other performing arts. Sophisticated and furry, they hate being accused of things they didn't actually do. 

Clean house for the new year. Send the Morning Hairball's personal finance columnist, Fat Cat, a meaty check for the Community Dog Watch Fund - you'll feel great without that weight in your wallet! 

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Macaronio: October 22-November 20
Macaronios are outgoing cats who can manage themselves in any alley. They can easily converse with ferals and purebreds alike.

Your relentless quest for excellence will hold you in good stead amongst your friends and colleagues. Tell them that you plan to start an ant farm.

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Shrimparious Shrimparious: November 21-December 20
Shrimparions are intense, driven, and dauntless. They know how to run with the dogs without being eaten.

Oh, you lucky feline, the stars are perfectly aligned for you this month!  Capitalize on your boundless intelligence, insight, and charm by stealing and destroying whatever you can from your human valets. You'll likely get off with nothing but a minor reprimand, which you can ignore, the way you always do.

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Tunicorn Tunicorn: December 21-January 19
Tunicorns are "get-ahead" cats who get the big promotions. They can be off-putting because they often scratch first, ask later.

Don't wait for others at work or on your bowling team to pick up the slack. This is a time for go-getters and self-starters like you to get going and self starting all kinds ofthings. We can't think of anything in particular at the moment, but trust the stars that there's something you ought to be doing now. So get off your human's computer and start doing it.

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Sardinus Sardinus: January 20-February 18
Sardini are mystical, musical, and magical. They love to sleep by lava lamps and ponder the question, "What's the IT?"

Autumn leaves are crunchy and processed cheese stinks. So does your cello playing. If you insist on maintaining the illusion of being a professional musician, consider switching to the tuba. Or the French horn.

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Miceez Miceez: February 19-March 18
Miceez are easy-going -- as long as they get what they want. Unfortunately, they're quick to turn up their nose and often make career-limiting moves.

Despite all the great holiday gifts you bought everyone, many of your friends still think you're an intolerable jerk. That's OK. You have lots of mice, and they don't.

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