Today's Feature ...
Our Queen of Health, Beauty, and Feline Etiquette, Felinadonna
Dear Felinadonna,
My husband wants to sue a relative of ours for ruining my birgtday soirre. Cousin Morris not only arrived an hour early, but ate all the mousetails and drank all the sparkling toilet water before the other guests even arrived. I think it's wrong to drag a relative through the legal littebox. What do you think?
Conflicted in Columbus
Dear Conflicted,
I am simply aghast at your cousin's lack of propriety! Even the lowliest alley cat knows that you save the last mousetail for the host or hostess. As for your case, I consulted The Morning Hairball's esteemed legal council, Johnny Cockroach, and have learned that while the courts would likely rule in your favor, it could take years to collect your money. A far more expedient thing to do would be to break into your cousin's house and steal his human valets' television set. You could then auction the TV on Flea Bay and pocket the proceeds. Do let me know when the human's idiot box goes online so I can help drive up the bids.
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