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MeowMail Town News

By Frank

 

January 28, 2002

I warned you it would be coming....

So recently, mom did a training for work and the topic was Maria Montessori, since that's the teaching method her school uses. Dr. Montessori was a little off on some of her ideas. For example, she banned books from the classrooms in which animals talk. She decided that was so far from reality that it might confuse children.

Mom came home and was talking with dad about that, and they were having a good laugh at how silly it is to think that children would really believe animals would talk to them. Mom even said, "I can just imagine reading the journal entries of my students that believe that. 'Day 42: I asked the cat how her day was. She still won't answer me. Maybe she's not speaking because she doesn't like the kind of food I give her.'"

My question to mom is, how dumb can you be? Of course animals talk! Communication is one of the signs of higher intelligence and, since I'm infinitely more intelligent then mom, I must be able to talk. See, what makes animals smarter than humans is that we know better than to talk to them. And what could we possibly have to say to humans that they would actually listen too? Humans never do as they are told. Why if I told mom that I wanted a thick steak, medium rare? She would just remind me that I get canned food at 6pm. Plus, there is always that danger of humans learning something they don't need to know. True, it's only a matter of time before they finally figure out that this planet is an alien experiment in evolution, but if we were to slip up and tell them that, it would cause a lot of unnecessary panic.

No mom, you are wrong on this one. Animals do talk, but we refuse to speak to a species that is so far beneath us. And I would like to remind all animals out there to keep your mouths shut. Humans may seem well intentioned and harmless, but with humans, a little information can be a dangerous weapon.

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.

August 30, 2001

So dad has cleaned out the litterbox, and he's under the impression that it was rather nasty. That's because mom and dad read the ingredients for our food and saw that we were eating more by products and corn meal than anything else. Last night, we got switched to the good stuff. The humans hope the new food will reduce our litterbox emissions, but the truth of the matter is that we'll start burying our food in there if we have to. The box must stink at all times.

We did get new toys. One toy is a green ball with flashing red lights and the other is this puffball that looks like some mutated cross between a bird and a fish. The puffball is on a six-inch spring and sticks in a little cardboard slab. We haven't even bothered to sniff it yet, because that's just what the humans want us to do.

Now, the good news is that Scotty and Queen B's grandhuman is recovering and may be home on Friday to celebrate her birthday. The bad news is that her little chihuahua passed away while she was still in the hospital.

Ralphie's sad that his mom had to go back to teaching. Summer is over for her. Gueass what Ralphie...my mom doesn't get summer off! Of course she was foolish enough to take a job at a year-round school, so I don't feel too bad for her. I do, however, feel angry with her because those kid thingies wear her out and then she doesn't want to type for me. (This is the part where everyone says, "Aw, poor Frank.")

Whoda mom saw the doc today, but I haven't seen a post yet saying how things went. I'll have Pix keep her good eye out for any news. Also there is a luau this weekend. Get out a grass skirt, don't chew on your friend's, and get ready to Don Ho the weekend away. Snowy, who isn't very white for a cat named after the white fluffy stuff, will be leading the hula dances. John Wayne and Taz will be getting the jail cell ready for Ralphy.

Mom will be hiding in bed in an effort to avoid the world's scummiest guy who managed to invite himself over. If anyone asks, she's gonna say she may have been exposed to the mumps. Sure, it's mean, but this guy deserves it.

Hopefully, dad can get rid of this guy, but if he can't, just know that mom and I are hiding in the room with a stockpile of treats and lots to do. Gotta tuck the human in now. Night all. And just for the heck of it, send me a guest from heck story.

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.

 

August 9, 2001

Mom's not doing so good today. Actually, the past few days have been a little rough on her. She feels tired all the time, but can't sleep. Oh well, more time for her to give me scratchies. She tried cooking earlier and somehow managed to mess up Top Ramen. How do you mess up noodles that only have to boil for three minutes? She found a way.

Mom is now trying to convince dad that we'll need to build a safe house for feral kittties in the back yard. She'll probably promise that the number of kitties will never exceed four, but who's she trying to kid?

Okay now, after typing that about the food and ferals, mom smelled something burning and, sure enough, she made dinner extra crispy! Anyone up for some chicken jerky?

Let's move on before she destroys something else.

In the last week, there have been some very sad events, and extra purrs are needed for our friends.

Penny's grandmeow had her house broken into. Purr for her and her neighbors, because no one should ever be afraid in their own home.

The Whoda's mom is having some tests done. Hope it's not serious. The Whodas and their mommy do a lot for other creatures, and now it's time to do a lot of purring for them.

In good news, Max the dog got his test results back and his tumors are benign. The v-e-t will remove them, and he'll be okay again.

Scotty and Quenn B's grandmeow is still recovering. She's doing much better, but still needs lots of purrs.

From KitKat:

Quote: Blessed is the cat that loves.

Love list:

Angel, Freck and Gabe's human relative has lung cancer.
Whodas` mom had medical tests. Purr that all is well.
All kitties everywhere.

Thanks:

Boo & Riley neighbor dog Molly is doing much better.

Special note: KITKAT will be back to writing sermons on Sept 9. That's in two weeks, expect to see a lot of kitties here.

Midnight Moon has finally gotten some photos of her gorgeous black self on the net and you can see her at http://communities.msn.com/MidnightsMeowingModels/midnightsselfpics.msnw?Page=1

And if you go to Mac, Jazzpurr, and Dusty's page, you can take a bus ride!
http://www.geocities.com/labresh/

Uncle C. is now trying to tempt mom with chocolate soy milk. This is too much. She can't even figure out how to milk a soy bean, and now they have the kind that make chocolate when you milk them. Okay, mom's going to finish chewing on her chicken jerky and go to bed now. This is all way too much for her.

PS: Kikle, I put your photos in my album and posted one on the board for Penny to add to the photo album. Emeow you later. lady.

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.

 

8/12/2001

This was supposed to be last night's newsletter, but I still wasn't talking to mom after what she did to us, and I just can't trust Pixel to get everything right.

Everything seemed okay when mom dropped us off. Marmalade (the in shop cat) started biting the employees because he was so jealous of us, and many owners were bringing in their dogs. Mom left at about 10am and asked when she could pick us up. They told her to try calling around 2 or 3. She thought maybe an hour or so, but she's never had a pet groomed, and decided this is the way it must be.

When she came to pick us up, something bad happened. After she walked in, a woman that mom had seen dropping off her dog earlier demanded her dog's tags and leash and $38. The woman then turned to mom and said, "Never bring your pet here. They let my dog, Duff, out, and he almost got hit by two cars. Then Animal Control took him to a shelter." At this point, mom just wanted to grab us and run. The shop owner said it wasn't her fault, a customer had let the dog out, and animal control wouldn't give her the dog back, because she couldn't prove he had his shots. Mom was still worried because one pet owner shouldn't be able to even accidentally let some one else's pet out of the store.

Then mom asks how shaving Pix went, and the reply was that they just took a little off the belly because the rest of the mats brushed out after the wash. Mom was a little upset by that because she wanted Pix shaved, anyway, and had told them that when she walked in. Then they told mom that I was the one that needed most of the shaving because I was horribly matted. They then showed her a bag of white matted fur, but she wasn't about to touch it and verify that it really was mine. You can't tell I was shaved by looking at me, but mom is still mad because she has never found a matt or tangle in my fur. The shop owner didn't charge for any of the shaving since so little of it was done, so mom just paid the money and left.

To add insult to injury, they tied silly little handkerchiefs around our necks that mom thought were ugly and ridiculous. We are flea free, and our fur looks lovely, but mom is never taking us to that place again!

Enough about me, let's move on to some cat news.

On to KitKat's advice for the week:
Quote: Blessed is the cat whose valet gives in to his/her every desire.
Love List:
*Angelking's uncle is very ill.
*Lil Frankie has a thingie on her neck. Purr that it's nothing serious.
*Purr that Tony's cat family does not eat the baby chicks.
*Purr that Frank & Pixel win their fight against fleas. (So far, so good.)
*Joeyboy & family
*Mac & Guy's dear Uncle Paul went to a better hospital. Purr that the treatment will help him there.
*Omar will be tutored & stuff this Thursday.
*Lil Kitkat has to go to the vet for a check up and, strangely enough, she's not grooming herself lately. Hopefully, that's not because she's sick.
*Lil Kitkat's mommy has to see a dentist and find out if she needs teeth pulled.
*From Scotty and Queen B: One of our grandhumans ( our sister and bro's
grandmother) is going in for a hip operation on Friday. Can we please request purrs that everything goes ok? Our grandhuman is 77 years old, and her health is so-so. Thanks in advance.

Thanks:
Whodas' foster cat is doing well & will be heading to its new home soon.
MeowMail Town cats' humans for opening their hearts & homes to us cats (Whodas' praise).
Mac & Guy's humans are doing much better after being sick.
Lil Boo is getting a puppy!
Annie and Moishe will be going to a forever home together.

And I just want to reassure everycat (especially KitKat, since he threw an even bigger fit than I did) that mom will not be posting again until her birthday. The human is currently being whipped with a wet spaghetti noodle.

By now, I wanted to show you photos that mom and dad took of us and their Seattle trip, but that isn't going to happen yet. First the computer refused to recognize the D drive, which must be hard to do since it lives in the computer. Now the computer can see the D drive but can't find the E drive. Maybe it needs to look where the D drive was hiding. It seems to be a popular spot. At any rate, both drives are needed to download and post photos.

I have to go back to my nap now. Punishing the human really wears a cat out.

(Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.)

8/5/2001

Mom's not doing so good tonight. She managed to freshen up the cat box, which I'm very thankful for since one of us has stinky butt, and she succeeded in making one dinner turn out edible. She made two dinners, because she wanted something that daddy doesn't like and she's not mean enough to force him to eat it. Hopefully, his dinner will turn out okay, but she almost burned the one she shared with Uncle C. She was, for the most part, successful with the laundry, but one half of a set didn't make it in. Now she has one stinky slipper and one nice one. After that she gave up on cleaning. Right now she's comparing garlic breath with Uncle C.'s.

Now, I have heard from Kikle, and he says that the reconstruction in his house is about finished. Hopefully, the Mystery K will come and visit us soon. Kikle also pointed out that Hairy Pawpurr will soon be hitting the big screen. I took the opportunity to click over to http://www.harrypotter.ws/movie/ so that I could check out the trailer for myself. In the trailer, we see young Hairy finding out that he's been accepted to PigFreckles School for Cat Wizards and Witches. There are a few examples of spells and, of course, his friends, Hermeownie, Ron Catsly, and Furball Hackrid are all shown. The music used is very tasteful, the images do not flash by too quickly, the narration is smooth, and nothing important is given away. All in all I give this movie trailer three and a half scratches.

This week's advice from KitKat:
Quote: Live life right, keep your whiskers clean, and stay out of trouble.

Love list:
BB's dog will have surgery on Aug.9 for a lump removal.
Little Princess Tabby swallowed string.
Joey Boy's mom has a kidney infection.
Mac & Guy's dear Uncle Paul is in the hospital, and their mom and dad have colds.

Thanks:
KITKAT-17 & Sabrina's new brother, Omar, will come home from hospital tomorrow.

The Whodas had this to add:
Thanks to the person that came this weekend with his cat, who was one of mom's foster kittens and is now beautiful and one year old, has decided to get another cat!!YAY. When he saw how happy his Kiki was with catpanions, he said he was gonna go on his day off and get a little girl kitten. Yay for Kiki, yay for the kitten! Yay for everycat!!!!

Purrs: Joey's family. They have been through a lot lately, stress level is high. Keep them safe and calm.

We also finally got to see some photos of the Whodas, but I notice that Lacey was left out. I think the other three Whodas have something against black cats.

Chita is really a skunk.

Joey Boy's mom is the most wonderful human ever.

Two web addresse that might interest everycat:
http://bigcats.care2.com/i?p=350862777 (Race for Big Cats)

http://rainforest.care2.com/i?p=370220701 (Race for the Rainforest)

When you click on these, you are supposed to be able to register to join Scully's team and help out. Only problem is that I didn't join Scully's team. Because my computer didn't accept the cookies, I was given my own team. I'll still click everyday to help out, but if you can, join Scully's team and help to preserve wildlife habitats.

Nala La has a smile worth $2,500. I hope the Sherrif has a good dental plan.

On Monday, Angel Freck and Gabe's humans, as well as KitKat's humans, have an anniversary (13 and 18 years respectively); JW's humans got 40 years on the 16; and Friday, mom and dad celebrated their 1-year anniversary. That's right: on Aug 3, 2002, my humans will finally tie the knot.

Big party on Monday night for the healthy return of KitKat's new brother, Omar. My advice to KitKat is to steal all those neighbor cats one at a time and keep them. I'll be happy to contriubute to any save the kitties fund that you want to create. Since I can't make it to the party, I'd like to say welcome home, Omar, and it's good to have you in town.

I also got a compliment from Snowy. She thinks I'm the most wonderful, beautiful, talented cat in the whole world and she wishes she could be me. Well, it was something to that effect, anyway.

And I'm still up for a good wrestling match. Pixel has been rather dull in that area lately, and I'm tired of getting flipped over her head.

(Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.)

8/2/2001

Look out, everyone, T & K's mom is talking about baking cats and ovens. I think they need to give her something better than hotdogs for dinner.

So I'm way behind on notes here, and I'll try to get the last three weeks caught up quickly. I'll start with an apology to KitKat and then put on his last three Quotes and Love Lists.

Quote: Try walking 10 miles in someones else's paws. Cat Credo.

Love List:

Whodas foster kitty. Only 9-10 days old. Crossed the rainbow bridge. Purr for
the Whodas & their mom.

Lee, friend of Pookie's. has bad allergies & has to take pills twice a day.

JB, friend of Mac & Guy, crossed the rainbow bridge.

Unka Geemo requests purrayers for a kitty that got dumped in a lake & for the humans who rescued it.

Turd's brother got injured by a car.

Tommy (Tony's horse) needs purrayers for its hurting legs.

Lil Frankie needs purrayers for complete recovery from surgery (spaying).

PD's human friend had to PTS a beloved dog.

Lil Bit needs a surgery to help correct a birth defect at a low cost.

Thanks:

A kitty found a home in Maiu with the help of Rudy & Snowy.

Jade Victoria's sister, Lucky, is ok after having a butt problem.

Quote: A purr is your gift to the world. Use it well. Cat Credo.

Love List:

Frank's dog friend is very ill. Purray for the 8-yr.-old dog & its human.

Angel's human has a slight infection. Also, they are trying to unload their old house in PA.

Tony & all the farm residents.

Thanks:

Lil Bit is doing better.

Whodas' Wee-one foster kitty got a forever home.

Lil Frankie is doing a lot better.

Quote: Cats shall inherit the earth, not apes. (movie reference)

Love list:

Wilson needs healing purrayers

Mia, Ralphie friend, had surgery yesterday for an injury from jumping too far.

BB's dog has a lump on his chest. Purray it's nothing serious.

Bea, sumatran tiger (who lived at a zoo), crossed the rainbow bridge. Sadly missed by all.

Now, in the "you should know" category, we have:

Poor 15 1/2 year old Randolph had to go to the vet. His humans are waiting
for the bloodwork results.

Moishe and Annie's sisfur, Cupcake, found a forever home.

Budder is running around naked, and everyone can see his business.

Sabrina takes job of whapping Snookums and sometimes El Puma.

Jade wants to be the only one to whap El Puma.

Chita thought no one liked her story.

Tony lost Rosie the chicken and will miss her. But she got two new hens for the farm.

Sabrina associates KitKat with dog and horse poop.

Snowy needs to have her spray paint taken away.

Jade's mom has a numb butt dueto motorcycle wedgies.

Scotty attacks floating peas as well as teabags and silk plants.

I hope someone has been keeping track of who is taking what job. And when do these jobs begin? I know Mac and Guy have started sniffing around into human business to find out exactly what it is those crazy bipeds do with their lives when they're not around us, but I need an official date here!

Was it Labor Day? It seems that would be a good day. You know, labor, work, jobs....it just kinda works.

On more personal notes, I would love to have any Brasilian music that El Puma would like to pass on. Link me up, amigo.

And last, for this edition: mom and dad say Seattle is fabulous. If your humans are looking for a romantic vacation spot, this is a good one to choose. It's a small town, so it's hard to get lost. It's not too hot, the scenery is beautiful, and they have monster huge octupus in the aquarium!

The humans got some great photos on vacation, but the computer lost the drive that operates the camera. This is what happens when you own a pc. Has my "toy" computer lost a drive? Never! Okay, I've said my piece. I'll share the aquarium photos when I get them up. You guys got to see the otters!

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.

7/23/2001

Listen up, furballs. Mom hurt her arm very badly, which is why dad is typing this little message to you. Until further notice, mom can't type anything. Once she recovers, newsletter service will return to what passes as "normal."

And, just as an extra note, the dog I told you about is now doing fine and is working toward a complete recovery.

Purrs, a very-upset-at-her-mommy Frank (humans are totallly useless).

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.

7/14/2001

It is time once again for the unpredictable and intermittent newsletter. I'm going to start off with news from the beginning of the week.

Quote: For each cat who walks the earth, there is an earthly purpose, having to do with love. Maximilian Silkypaws

Love List:
After being found Katie (Unka neighbor) has to go to the groomers. It may be an ordeal for her.
Little girl got hurt at a July 4th parade where Angel lives. (treated and released, and hopefully fine now)
Whodas have foster kittens only a few days old. Keep their wonderful mom in purrayers, that`s a lot of work. (Sadly, the smallest kitten died during the week, but the other is doing okay and is a regular pig)
Lil Frankie (Tony's family) is getting spayed this week. (She's home now and still loopy from the anesthesia)
Wilson (Joey Boy's family) needs purrayers to get rid of URI.

From Pookie:
Can you add my friend, Lee. He has bad allergies, and his momma has to give him a pill twice a day. He hates the pill, but he hates his itchies worse, and my momma is supposed to find out this week if she gets a raise or not. She hasn't had one in 2 years thanks to her old manager. He gave her a hard time. But now that she has a new manager friend.
JB, a beagle (she liked cats) who went to the Bridge this week. From Mac and Guy.
From PD: Some family friends lost their dog Maggie and are looking at dogs that need homes soon.

Tony's horse, Tommy, has an abscess on his hoof that is being treated, and he seems to be doing well now. And Tony's grandma's burns are healing.

There has been much talk about Chita's emotional body parts. She's beginning to sound like a real Frankenstein's monster with all this *angry paw* business going on. It might be a good idea to give her some space, because you never know when one of those Frankenpaws is gonna get you.

Today, many cats shared the stories of how they found their homes. If you would like your story posted for ever and ever, then send it to chita@meowmail.com, and she will add it to the Contributors' Page. She wants your stories, and she will send an angry paw after you if you don't give them to her. More cats are going to post their stories on Sunday, so be sure to look for them. I myself love rescue stories and have been saving everything that's been typed up. You should get your post to Chita soon, but if you don't, then I can email a copy of what you posted to her, but that's only if yours falls off the page before you can get it to Chita.

There are lots of new Wilson photos and all of them are pretty cute, but the one of Joey knocking Wilson over is the best. There's just something funny about Joey the hunter standing over that silly white kitten, especially when that silly white kitten has all four paws sticking straight up in the air!

That's all mom can think of right now because her head still hurts. Rotten little kids gave her another summer cold. I need to talk to her about her choice of careers!

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.

7/7/2001

This blows! I was almost done with the newsletter. I just had one little thing to look up before I hit the send button and the computer froze. No, not because it is a 'toy' as John so loves to call it. My computer crashed because there's a bug in the media player that decided to turn itself on. Now I have to start all over. Here's the abbreviated version of what I wrote previously.

T&K's mom is a chupacabra that was born on another planet. (See www.artbell.com then check under galleries for chupacabra info.)

Snowy's dad is a softy.

B. Buster's sister Angel is from the grouchy cat planet.

Angel and crew have new camera; photos to follow shortly.

At Tony's house: Barn kitties are on meds and are getting better, Tommy the horse has arthritis and is on meds, and Frankie gets fixed on Thursday. Purrs for everyone.

Penny's photo album link is on the homepage. Go look at the photos now, and then you can come back and finish the newsletter. (Good job Penny!)

Out of town cats this weekend:
Casper and Pumpkin
Tipsy, Periwinkle, and Gord
Ralphie and the gang

One Whoda foster baby made a poop. Still waiting for results from the other little one.

Funny poop story from Tony---"Ok, I had diarrhea once, and I was just a little kitten. I didnt know any better and I couldn't get to the cat pan in time. I was RUNNING through the house with Poop flying out of me! Mom couldnt keep up with me with the soap and water and bucket! Mom can still see it flying out all over her carpet!! I also had a lot of gas! So, imagine the sound of me running through the house.. It was awful. Is that bad enough for you?? ----(Funny, except for the part about Tony being sick.)

Joey Boy's mom not feeling well plus she has to take care of Wilson (who's getting better) and she has to entertain company. Blech.

For everyone that gave tips on ant problems, you were all right that the bait traps work the best. I highly recommend them. The soap and water spray is also a very good alternative to the spray poisons.

I can't remember what else I wrote before. It was really, really long. But now mom's sinus headache is coming back, and she says it's time to make the email go away.

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.

7/3/2001

The most important bit of news is that tomorrow (or today, depending on when most of you read this) there will be an all-day Fourth of July party hosted by the Left Koast Cats Club. All cats not indigenous to the U.S. are still invited.

Second most important is that Harley and Chita are going to get married tomorrow. Of course, they were scheduled to get married several times in the past, and it hasn't happened yet. If there's anycat out there still holding their breath for this event, I say give it up and start breathing again.

Sabrina almost had to beat up El Puma again (or El Poopa, as she prefers to call him), but he was smart enough to walk away so he didn't get his butt kicked. Actually, what probably saved him was that Jade Victoria was gonna whop and bop him six ways to Sunday if he didn't walk away. For now El Puma's butt is safe.

And speaking of El Puma, Snowy is preparing pig for tomorrow's bbq.

The Twins introduced several new cats in their nightly email (which will hopefully go on the homepage) which is a good thing, since there were way over 300 messages today, and I didn't get to read them all.

Now, I don't know how much I'll be around tomorrow because mom and Uncle C.
plan on going to watch daddy perform tomorrow. He got hired to play a concert with a local Wind Symphony. Last night, he was practicing a song called "Kitten on the Keys," so I offered to get on one of Uncle C.'s very expensive keyboards and play with them, but mom told me that, if I did, she'd let Uncle C. shave me. Seeing as how I am quite attached to my fur, I decided to just watch dad instead of play along.

Oh, and Abbey's mom says she has a big mouth. Happy Fourth, everycat.

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.

 

7/1/2001

Uncle C. and mom are making fun of dad. He correctly identified me as his precious little baby, and the other two laughed. They just don't understand me like daddy does. And even though daddy loves me best, mom is still the one that has to do all the typing for me. If dad tried it, this would take a million years, because he would waste time making sure it was grammatically correct and everything was spelled properly.

So KitKat gave us the following quote today:
"Looking back, the wise cat sees exactly where his tail has been."
       --Catfuscious

And this week's Love List:
Siamese kitty, Miss Holly. Needs purrs. Mac & Guy request.
Traveling for our (KitKat and Sabrina's) valets this holiday week.
PD has a lump.
Zazu's mom. Not feeling well with meds she taking for poison ivy.
Butterbutt and Frankie. (Eyes and diarrhea, respectively.)

Thanks:
Zoey has a forever home with the Joeyboy bunch.
Unka Geemo's neighbor cat, Katie, has been found.

A special round of purrs goes out to PD's mommy. Seems a friend of hers has taken on more dogs than he can handle, which not only has left his house a mess, but is causing problem for the dogs. She is now finding forever homes for all the dogs and removing them from the house as quickly as possible. The cats in the house are okay for now, so they'll be able to stay in their home. They're kinda used to it by now, since they've been living there for awhile.

Have you read the letter the Twins wrote to scientists everywhere? You haven't??! Boy, are you missing out. Go to the homepage as soon as you are done reading this, and click on "The Adventures of Tommy and Kato." This letter is further proof that humans are really dumb.

Three new cats, Chub Chub, Izzy, and Tinkers, introduced themselves today in the Online Forum (which we fondly refer to as "MeowMail Town"). If you see them tomorrow, introduce yourself. It's something I haven't done yet, but I've been pretty lazy about taking care of my computer duties lately.

Jade Victoria has requested that everyone vote for Noah. The rules for voting are that you can vote only once a day from each IP address. But you can vote once a day, every day, for the entire month. So remember to vote for Noah every day this month so that he can be kitten of the month. To see his picture (and his competition), go to http://dorissimo.net/contest/contest.html and, to vote for him, go to http://dorissimo.net/contest/vote.html, and do it right away.

Sabrina dumped Snookums and then took him back, but then Snookums had second thoughts, and Sabrina gave him what for and then threatened to beat up El Puma, so now he doesn't know what to do. I don't know if they've worked it out yet, but Snookums was smart enough not to take any advice from his brother, Ralphie. I'll keep you all posted.

Tony showed lots of great pictures today, and if you missed them, then you have to give her presents and beg her to post them again.

I finally got into one of Angel's albums, but I still have issues with the cookies at the other album. One day, I will fix this, and I will see all the beautiful pictures!

And now, try to take this next bit of news very calmly. Two dogs have joined the board. It's okay, though. PD, El Puma, and Uncle Gizmo have vouched for Bailey Boo and Beanie. They actually are very nice dogs and are smaller than most cats. I think we should let them stay, but I agree with John Wayne's idea of making them learn to meow and be more catlike.

Someday, I plan on answering all the emails in my box, but until I get around to that, I agree with Tommy and Kato that I should wait awhile to trim the email list for the newsletter. I've decided to give all cats one more week to respond. Of course, I'll take requests after next week, so don't worry if you do get trimmed off my list. Just ask, and I'll put you right back on again.

I'm going to watch mom finish waxing her legs now. It's very amusing and I highly recommend it to everycat.

(Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.)

6/30/2001

Well, the party is over and the mess is cleaned up, so now it's time for you east coast stiffs to give back the 100 mousie deposit. It seems Tommy and Kato believe that they were allowed to eat the deposit because Mystie threw up. They forget that Mystie is not a Left Koast Cat, so it doesn't count. And even though it didn't count, the Left Koast cats cleaned it all up. At least Tommy made it to the powder room.

So we had lots of tipsy cats, skirts were a flyin', and dA rAlfY was arrested for public drunkenness. He had to spend an hour or so in the tank while he waited for the catnip juice he was drinking to wear off. And I'm sure he'll have someone in right away to repair that wall that he crashed into.

Before the party, we had a bit of a scare. The other human that lives with Joey Boy said no more kitties. He actually thinks three is plenty! Well, I think he should spend a week with the Anderson Cats. That'll prove to him that there's plenty of love to go around. (If I added correctly, there are about 22 Anderson cats.) Luckily, this naughty human was told by Joey Boy's mom there would be no cats leaving the house, but there may be a departing human. He changed his mind quickly and is now letting the new kitten sit on his shoulder. Of course, the Babe refuses to like the kitten and Joey's a little troubled, and poor Scooter was just getting used to having the best spot. I think, in no time, they'll be wondering how they ever managed without the little bundle of fur.

There was a big nasty thunder storm terrorizing most of the east coast so lots of kitties didn't make it to the party. Hopefully, they'll be back tomorrow when the weather settles down.

In last night's email, I left a link for a contest sponsored by Planet Hollywood (which has no relation to MeowMail except for the fact that I keep bringing it up). If you click on the link I gave you yesterday, and look at cat picture number five, you'll see our very own golden Persian, Cody. That's right. He entered the contest on the ground floor and is proudly representing felines everywhere.

I got Angel's album link, but I can't check it out yet, because daddy is stealing the 'puter after I finish this. I'll let him get away with it because I love him best of all the humans in the house, but I expect lots of scratchies and lovies in return. If he doesn't give me enough scratchies and lovies, then I'll just have to bite mom. Goodnight furrs, and remember that next Saturday will be the first meeting of Catnippers Anonymouse.

(Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.)

6/23/2001

Zazu's mom has some major cajones. This morning, she just up and told her boss that she quit! This means more time with Zazu the Bug Hunter this summer. His mom will probably have to get a job at some point, but until, then it's party time.

So today, cats remembered Archie Bunkertrap, which was highly amusing, but there was no mention of the late great Tomcat Lee Hooker. I think that, in his honor, we should rename MeowMail Town the Boom Boom Room just for tomorrow and have a party. Parties are good things.

It seems that our Sheriff has some problems with the nip and has been neglecting his law enforcement duties. It's time for an intervention. We should all gather tomorrow in a loving way and put him in a straight jacket and haul him off to the nearest Wetty Floored Clinic for Catnip Abuse. Tuna will be served at said intervention.

PD stopped by and was showing off the great photos her mom takes at the zoo. If I sent my mom to work with a camera, she'd come back with photos of little children thingies. Who would want to see photos like that? I am officially jealous.

The HICs (Humans in Charge) are working on solving Penny's photo album problem which means her MeowMail Town Album should have a permanent home soon.

Tommy and Kato are now absolutely famous because they were recognized by their state governor. My state governor hasn't recognized me yet. I'm sure he's just busy with this whole electricity problem and will get to me very soon. But, in the meantime, I am officially jealous.

Frankie (the OTHER Frankie) has made herself right at home in Tony's house. She's even managed to reserve the best chairs for herself. It's good to see that my namesake is living up to true Frank standards. Frank is a name that can never belong to a little weenie of a cat.

Speaking of weenies, mom hasn't done her laundry since coming home, and now the bedroom reeks of Copper Dog. I really hate it when she visits that mutt. Although she did bring back some funny photos of Copper Dog in x-mas antlers. What I wouldn't give for a scanner right about now. I'd love to humiliate that mutt. (Oh yeah, Copper sends doggy kisses to Karma Jean.)

I have to get sit in the windows and stare at those crazy birds now. I'm really beginning to like these night birds because it means 24 hours of bird watching for me.

(Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.)

6/22/2001

A connection failure has occurred. At least that's what the computer keeps telling mom when she tries to open up the message board. Mom finally gets off her lazy butt after recovering from her vacation, and I'm locked out of town. I guess I'll just have to talk about myself then.

Let's see now. Mom got back from vacation and found out that Pixel was a naughty kitty and reconfirmed that dad can be a real bonehead sometimes. It was so hot here that dad opened up one of the windows with a broken screen. He opened it just a tiny bit and thought he had it set in such a way that we couldn't climb through it, but Pixel thought thin and squeezed through that tiny space. Dad closed the window when it started getting dark and didn't notice that only one of us was in the bedroom. Twenty minutes later, he serves dinner and wonders why Pixel isn't running into the kitchen to get her share. He goes back into the bedroom and there's her poor little face pressed against the outside of the window. He took her into the bathroom and gave her a once over. Amazingly enough she had no fleas, cuts, or dead rodents with her. Can you believe that? She got to go out and didn't bring home any rodents. Some sister she is. Mom let dad live because he was sufficiently shamed by his own actions.


Now the big problem is that the house is infested with ants. The colony has taken up residence in the heating vents and none of the humans can figure out how to get rid of them. If anyone has ideas, mom is open to suggestions so just email me with any advice or consolation you may have.

Also, my email list is getting way out of hand. Here's the deal. A lot of cats lost or changed addresses recently and now I have no ideas which ones are the right ones. I also don't know who is getting the newsletter and wants it, or who isn't getting it and wants it. Mom isn't going to make any changes to the list within the next week because not all cats check their email everyday, but everyone needs to send an email to me letting me know whether or not they want the newsletter and what address it should be sent to. I have decided that updating the email list is mom's next task. She also has to find a place to put our photos online so if anyone has advice on that I'll take it.

Alright, it's time to beg for dinner so I'll try to get back into town tomorrow. Until then, remember that all cats named Frank or Frankie are akin to royalty and should be treated as such.

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.

6/11/2001

Do not adjust your computers. It really is me using mom's email account. McChew thinks she's got it bad because her mom babysat for one little dumb dog for a weekend. How do you think I feel? My mom actually paid money to travel to visit that little wiener that is supposedly my cousin. She's probably enjoying herself, too. I bet she's playing with him and giving him treats. It's just too horrible to think about.

Anyway, the twins' mom is still not feeling well, but she has a friend playing nurse for her, and she's getting lots of care.

Tuesday, starting around 7 or 7:30PM Eastern Time, is going to be scary story night at the MeowMail Online Forum. So join us on the board with your best scary story. And bring your own snacks, because I don't have enough s'mores for everyone.

Tony got some new barn cats, and one of them is named after me. (Now you all know who her favorite really is! Hehehehehe.) Everyone should pop over to the message board and see the photos of Frankie and Patches. Hopefully, the Butterbutt photos will be coming soon.

Did you hear what KitKat said yesterday? Well, for those of you who didn't, here's KitKat's quote: Three precious blessings--A warm fur coat, an inner fire, and a radiant heart. -- Dharmapurrdmeow.

Love list:

PD's foster bunny needs a home.
Also dogs, Louie & Theseus need a home.
Belle is acting as foster mom to 5 kittens, along with her own gang of 4 kittens.
Whodas' foster kittens are in need of homes.
Unka Geemo's neighbor cat, Katie, still hasn`t returned home
Danny & Arnold
Anderson kitties

Thanks:

Riley, of Buffboy & Riley, has returned home safely.

Love-list write-ins include:

Snooks, because he is so naughty and needs double purrs
Mac is sick and being rushed to the vet, so please keep your paws crossed for him.
Smitty, who got in big trouble during a week-long escape outdoors (he got stuck in a tree and couldn't get down).

Now, I have to go and watch the bluejays. I'll be back tomorrow -- same email address, same nosey cat.

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.


6/10/2001

Now that mom finally has her DSL and can zoom anywhere faster than you can say "badbadbadbadkitty," she's going on vacation. That's right. For the next nine days, she'll be in LA with the family people, but they usually let her play on the 'puter for awhile. For those of you that get the newsletter in your mailbox, be warned that it will be coming from mom's other email account (jnbird@hotmail.com). For those of you who read the newsletters off the MeowMail front page (and I know the number must be in the thousands, because everyone loves me), you don't have to worry about where the newsletter will be, since one of the HICs will put it in the regular spot on the home page eventually.

Now, it seems that some hunter cats are teasing those of us that can't get outside or have our mousie holes taped up. To that, I would just like to say: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I'm telling my mommy on you!

A very nice human showed up on the forum yesterday, but she has not yet allowed Prince (the cat that owns her) introduce himself. Of course, it's only a matter of time before she lets Prince on, because our humans give us everything we want.

And I caught John Wayne goosing Miss Chita's tooter yesterday. Now, is that anyway for a future brother-in-law to be to act? What would Harley say?

Also, I'm just going to cut-and-paste Chita's post about how we can all be famous like Ralphie and Karma Jean:

Dear cats and claws,

The HICs want to add a new channel to FIBS with a surprise name, but it will be a "featured cat" sort of thing. I have pictures for some of you so the HICs can use them, but there are still some of you shy cats who haven't checked in. Don't you all want to be famous? If you do, email me with your photo (chita@meowmail.com, and put "my picture" or something similar in the subject line. You owe it to yourself to get 15 minutes of fame. Plus, the HICs need content for FIBS.

Of course, the HICs are allowed to any of my photos or Pixel's, but since I unplugged my PhotoPoint account (PhotoPoint has no affiliation with MeowMail), and I haven't found a new place to post my gorgeous self yet, the HIC's will just have to rely on Penny's great photo selection. Really, though, I think that other cats should have a chance before I do, since I'm already famous for my exciting and wonderful newsletters. Besides, my picture is already on the MeowMail home page.

And, if you need to get something tricky opened in your house, John Wayne is currently renting out his youngest brother, Sir Prescott Seville. Scotty specializes in opening cat treats that are being saved for his first birthday celebration and then sharing said treats with his friends. Should you get into trouble for hiring Scotty, I suggest you seek legal advice from Snowy. He's very good at prosecuting humans for the emotional distress they cause, and a denial of treats is emotional stress.

Oh, look! Pixel is standing on Uncle C.'s albums again, and mom is having a fit about it. I keep trying to tell that man that everything in this house belongs to us, and we can stand on it if we like, but he disagrees when his keyboards worth several thousand dollars are involved. I'll have to seek advice from Snowy on that one. (And just as a side note: Uncle C. might be playing at a rock festival somewhere in Pennsylvania next year. It appears that the festival coordinators loved his band's CD and want the band to perform. I think these people are crazy, because his music is just scary!)

Alright, mom has to get ready to catch her plane now. Hopefully, there will be another newsletter tomorrow morning.

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.


5/26/2001

Mom has very little patience for this ridiculously slow connection, but as soon as the phone company can do a line test (that'll take forever!), we can get the DSL going and zoom around the net all the time! (Editor's note: hehehehehehe.)

I don't know much of what's been going on in MeowMail Town, but I thought that it would be a good idea to send this newsletter to let you know that we have almost reached our Guest Book goal of 300 cats! If we can get just 3 more cats to sign the Guest Book (the link can be found on the home page next to the Cat Chat button) by this Thursday, then we will have reached our summer goal. If you know a cat who hasn't signed the Guest Book, threaten to bite them if they don't do it right now. While looking through some of the Guest Book entries, I noticed a message that a cat named Cowboy was put to sleep due to complications of an illness. Everycat needs to be purring for Cowboy's humans, and I'd like to offer them some noserubs and kitty kisses (but don't tell anycat because it would ruin my tough alpha cat image).

Also, Sox came home today! The little fellow took off a while back, but today he showed up and got lots of lovies and kisses from his mommy. Let's hope he doesn't go wandering away again.

I still haven't been able to see Baby Girl's movie because this modem is throwing fits! I just have no patience for technology that won't let me have everything I want. But I will see that movie soon!

The MeowMail HICs have updated the homepage, and I am not ashamed to tell you that I am addicted to FIBS (and I don't mean Chita, the fibber). It's also nice to finally be able to see what Furry Purloin looks like.

Now I must tell you all the story of Frank and Pixel's Family's Big Move.

Last time the humans were caught off guard, so the move was little more than chaos in motion. This time, they were ready. They started packing a week ahead, which is more than enough time when you 1. don't own much, and 2. didn't unpack half your stuff after the first move.

At 7am, all the humans were up and packing. Mom got breakfast, and Pix and I wandered around meowing and complaining about all the stuff that was disappearing. By 8am, I was under the bed and not coming out. Mom and dad left the house shortly after that to pick up the rental truck. By 9:30, mom and dad were rolling out of the parking lot and headed for the Post Office to fill out the change of address cards. Then it was off to the pharmacy for mom's medicine. (As a side note, I am happy to report that mom no longer desperately needs the medicine to get through the day and is on the way to being medication-free for the first time in two years.)

She called ahead, and the medicine was waiting, so it shouldn't have taken more than 15 minutes. Well, mom got to the pharmacy a little before 11 and didn't leave until about 12. By 12:30, they were back with the truck, all packed, and ready to load. One problem...I was not coming out from under the bed. While Pix was meowing in the bathroom, lamenting over being locked away all alone with nothing but her sherpa pad, toys, food, water, litter, and the occasional human to scratch her behind her ears, I was holding my ground just out of arm's length. It was a bad idea. Mom took the bed apart and set the pieces against the wall. I tried hiding between the mattress and the wall, but how was I supposed to know that she could crawl back there, too? Eventually, I was trapped and thrown in the bathroom with Pix, where we cried together for about three hours.

Finally, the truck was packed, and it was time to clean up. A little before 5pm, the only thing left to do was to mop the kitchen floor. But by this time, mom's throat was sore, and she was so congested and sick, she could barely stand up. Yup, that's the day mom's summer cold hit her like a freight train. A week later, it was full-blown bronchitis, and the doc thought she was gonna end up with a case of summer pneumonia, but the antibiotics worked, and now she's just back to being lazy. The point is that the kitchen floor never got mopped, and there was some frozen food left in the fridge. At that point, the humans were too tired to care and they got on the freeway.

A little before 8pm, they made it to the house. Pix and I were taken out of Uncle C.'s car and brought to the front door of our new home. The big moment had arrived. Uncle C. took out the key, stuck it in the front door...and nothing happened. The locksmith showed up one day early and fixed the front door. Thirty minutes later, the landlady arrived and opened the door. Pix and I were taken into the bathroom, and mom sat on the floor with us until she noticed that her leg itched. She looked down to find fleas.

At first, she thought the little black buggers were presents from the previous tenants, but she soon realized that she had picked up the fleas while looking through the flowers in an attempt to see if a spare key had been left for us. My moron of a mother almost infested us, and the new house, with fleas. As soon as she realized she was the flea-ridden creature, she moved to the linoleum and killed all the fleas. By the time the humans got in the house, finished eating, and checked the place over, it was about 11pm --much too late to start unloading a truck. So once again, we got in Uncle C.'s truck, and we traveled the ten miles to his apartment to spend the night.

I checked out his CD collection, sniffed all his stuff, and threw some litter around his bathroom for a while, but I spent most of the night yowling about my moving misery and looking for a hiding place. The next morning, it was back to the new house where, once again, we were dumped in the bathroom. The humans spent about 2 hours unloading the truck. Well, mom didn't because she was so sick she was having trouble breathing. After a little rest, the humans took the truck all the way back to the rental place (about 50 miles, which took another 2 hours because of traffic) and then spent three hours on a train to get home.

Finally at 10pm, mom and dad came home and went to bed, knowing that next weekend it would be Uncle C.'s turn to do the whole moving thing (another adventure). But now we're all settled in and happy that we have a house and a backyard and lots of Uncle C.'s stuff to climb on and fur up.

Do you have a news tip to report? Or do you have questions or comments about the news? Write to Frank at fatfrank@meowmail.com.


5/21/2001

It's been a long time, and all I can say is that dial-up stinks. Last w